Category: Alzheimer’s and Dementia

Mum 1943-2024

Mum – 1943 – 2024

I write this one week after Mum’s passing. She died on Sunday, 9th June 2024

Mum has now gone after her long and arduous battle with Dementia which we all knew she would never win. She died peacefully with Dad, myself and one of my brothers by her side. It was a peaceful end to a prolonged illness. Whilst we were all prepared for this having had months if not years of living grief, her final passing was a devastating sadness. Dad confirmed she was gone and I left the room and sat on the lawn of my childhood home and quietly sobbed my tears of grief. Mummy is dead! Life around us continuing on in normality whilst for me, my assumptive world is altered forever.

I was surprised at how hard I found her final moments as Mum has been poorly for so long. In the week since her death, I have felt discombobulated, I have been struggling to form sentences and I feel like there are rocks in my head. I need to battern down the hatches for a while whilst the grief runs its course through my heart and soul.

This is not my first loss but this has had the most profound  impact. It is the loss of my Mum. Mum inspired me during her life and in many ways I am the person and counsellor today because of her. Her influence, nature and character moulded me in different ways. In her passing Mum has one last lesson to give and that is that grief is a process unique to each one of us. However you grieve and however you feel is OK as we all manage things in our own special way. Thank you Mum for your parting gift of knowledge. I will miss you.

If you are seeking Alzheimers and Dementia Counselling please get in touch with Caroline Contact who is has years of experience working with carers and those affected by Alzheimer’s and Dementia.

This blog was collated from internet sources for information. Please talk to your GP for more information. 

Written by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

Why give Sertraline to Dementia patients

Why give Sertraline to Dementia patients

Antidepressants such as sertraline, citalopram, mirtazapine and trazodone are widely prescribed for people with dementia who develop changes in mood and behaviour. (Alzheimer’s UK Society). Sertraline is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) commonly used to treat depression, anxiety, and certain other mental health conditions. While it is not a primary treatment for dementia itself, it may be prescribed to dementia patients for specific reasons.

Suggested Reasons for Prescription

Depression and Anxiety: Many individuals with dementia also experience symptoms of depression and anxiety. Sertraline and other SSRIs can be used to manage these mood-related symptoms, helping to improve the overall well-being of the patient.

Behavioural Symptoms: Dementia can sometimes be associated with challenging behavioural symptoms such as agitation, aggression, or irritability. Sertraline, due to its calming effect, may be prescribed to help manage these behavioural issues.

Sleep Disturbances: Dementia patients often experience disruptions in their sleep patterns. Sertraline can have a positive impact on sleep and may be used to address insomnia or other sleep-related problems.

Treatment of Coexisting Conditions: Dementia is often accompanied by other mental health conditions, such as major depressive disorder or generalized anxiety disorder. In such cases, sertraline may be part of a comprehensive treatment plan to address multiple aspects of the patient’s mental health.

Healthcare Professional Supervision

It’s important to note that the use of sertraline in dementia patients should be carefully monitored, and its benefits should be weighed against potential risks. Older adults, including those with dementia, may be more sensitive to the side effects of medications, and there is a need for close supervision by healthcare professionals.

Before starting any medication, including sertraline, it’s crucial for the healthcare provider to conduct a thorough evaluation of the patient’s medical history, consider potential drug interactions, and assess the overall health of the individual. The decision to use sertraline or any other medication in dementia patients should be made on a case-by-case basis, taking into account the specific symptoms and needs of the individual. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for personalised advice and guidance.

If you are seeking Alzheimers and Dementia Counselling please get in touch with Caroline Contact who is has years of experience working with carers and those affected by Alzheimer’s and Dementia.

This blog was collated from internet sources for information. Please talk to your GP for more information. 

Written by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

Guilt and Dementia – How to Manage Guilty Feelings as a Carer

Guilt and Dementia – How to Manage Guilty Feelings as a Carer

Caring for someone with dementia can be a challenging and emotionally complex experience. Guilt is a common emotion that caregivers may feel due to many different of reasons for example:

  • not being able to provide enough care,
  • making difficult decisions,
  • or feeling frustrated when dealing with the unpredictable behaviours of someone with dementia.

Here are some strategies to help manage guilty feelings as a caregiver:

  1. Education: Understanding the nature of dementia and its progression can help you realise that some situations are beyond your control. Learning about the disease can provide you with insights into why certain behaviours or situations occur.

  2. Accept Imperfections: Recognise that nobody is a perfect caregiver. Mistakes and limitations are a natural part of the caregiving journey. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can.

  3. Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that dementia brings about changes in behaviour and cognition that are not the fault of the person with dementia or of the caregiver. Set realistic expectations for yourself and the person you’re caring for.

  4. Seek Support: Connect with support groups, therapists, or counsellors who specialise in dementia caregiving. Talking to others who are going through similar experiences can provide validation and reduce feelings of isolation.

  5. Practice Self-Care: Caring for yourself is essential. Make time for activities you enjoy, practice relaxation techniques, exercise regularly, and maintain a healthy diet. When you take care of your own well-being, you’ll be better equipped to handle the challenges of caregiving.

  6. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity: It’s not about the amount of time you spend caregiving, but the quality of the time you spend together. Focus on creating meaningful moments and connections, even if they are brief.

  7. Delegate and Accept Help: You don’t have to do everything on your own. Delegate tasks to other family members, friends, or hired caregivers. Accept help when it’s offered, and don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.

  8. Make Informed Decisions: Dementia caregiving often involves making tough decisions, such as moving the person to a care facility. Remember that these decisions are made with the person’s best interests in mind and are not indicative of a lack of care.

  9. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques can help you stay present in the moment and reduce anxiety about the past or future. They can also help you manage feelings of guilt and uncertainty.

  10. Celebrate Small Victories: Acknowledge and celebrate the small achievements and positive moments in your caregiving journey. These can help counterbalance the challenges you face.

  11. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be therapeutic. It provides a way to express your emotions and gain clarity on your thoughts.

  12. Professional Help: If feelings of guilt are becoming overwhelming and affecting your well-being, consider seeking professional therapy. A therapist can provide you with coping strategies tailored to your situation.

Support and Useful Links:

Remember that feelings of guilt are normal but can be managed with the right strategies and support. Taking care of your emotional well-being is crucial for being an effective and compassionate caregiver.

For links to local and national support please visit my Alzheimer’s and Dementia page. The links can be found at the bottom of the page.
For individual counselling I am here for you. Contact me to book an initial session and I will support you.

Written by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

Navigating Dementia – Understanding the Complex Web of Guilt

What is Dementia?

Dementia, a collection of cognitive disorders characterised by memory loss, impaired reasoning and personality changes. It affects millions of individuals worldwide. According to the Alzheimer’s Society 2019 report, there are currently around 900,000 people with dementia in the UK. This is projected to rise to 1.6 million people by 2040.

Dementia is the loss of cognitive functioning — thinking, remembering, and reasoning — to such an extent that it interferes with a person’s daily life and activities. Some people with dementia cannot control their emotions, and their personalities may change.

Alongside the challenging symptoms of dementia, there is a lesser-discussed emotional aspect that caregivers, family members, and even individuals with dementia themselves may experience: guilt. This blog delves into the intricate relationship between dementia and feelings of guilt, aiming to shed light on this complex emotional struggle.

The Guilt Experience:

Guilt can manifest in various ways throughout the journey of dementia. Caregivers often grapple with feelings of guilt for not being able to provide enough care, for becoming frustrated with their loved one’s behaviour, or for seeking respite to take care of their own needs. Family members may feel guilty for not visiting frequently enough or for considering residential care. Individuals with dementia might experience guilt due to their reliance on others, their inability to remember important events, or any behavior changes they’re not consciously aware of.

Triggers for Guilt:

Understanding the triggers of guilt in the context of dementia is essential. Caregivers may feel guilty when faced with the seemingly never-ending demands of caregiving, as they struggle to balance their responsibilities. Witnessing a loved one’s memory decline or behavioural changes can evoke feelings of helplessness, which may translate into guilt. For individuals with dementia, the frustration of being unable to perform once routine tasks or the perception of burdening their loved ones can lead to guilt.

Coping Strategies:

Acknowledging and addressing guilt is crucial for the emotional well-being of all parties involved. Caregivers can benefit from seeking support groups or professional counselling to talk through their feelings and learn coping strategies. Open communication within families can help dissipate feelings of guilt, allowing for collective decision making that aligns with the best interests of the person with dementia. For individuals with dementia, finding ways to engage in meaningful activities or hobbies can help alleviate feelings of worthlessness or guilt.

The Role of Education:

Education plays a pivotal role in dispelling misplaced guilt and fostering a better understanding of dementia. Caregivers and family members who understand the nature of the disease can learn to differentiate between actions driven by dementia and intentional behaviours. This knowledge shift can contribute to reducing feelings of guilt associated with perceived wrong doings.

Seeking Professional Help:

In cases where feelings of guilt become overwhelming and impact mental health, seeking professional help is essential. Therapists, counsellors, or support groups with expertise in dementia related emotional challenges can provide strategies to cope with guilt and navigate the emotional rollercoaster that dementia often brings.

Support and Useful Links:

Dementia is a complex and emotionally taxing journey, for both individuals with the condition and their caregivers. Feelings of guilt can be an intrinsic part of this experience, arising from various sources and impacting everyone involved. By fostering understanding, open communication, and seeking appropriate support, individuals can better manage and mitigate these feelings of guilt, allowing them to provide the best care and support possible while prioritising their own well-being.

For links to local and national support please visit my Alzheimer’s and Dementia page. The links can be found at the bottom of the page.

Contact me to book an initial session and I will support you.

Written by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

Caring and Help

Caring and ‘Help’

It is dark and as the sun slowly starts to rise, the song thrush sings from the distance. I am at my Dads’ house. Last night he called with the first middle of the night ‘help’. He was having heart issues which he felt were like a heart attack and he sounded scared. “I need some help with this” he stated as the Doctor in him rationalised what might be happening. I packed a bag, kissed my husband and drove 2 hours to be with him. When I arrived the Ambulance was just leaving with Dad not in it. He was well enough to not go to hospital but needed to see his GP the next day. As a non medic I questioned this but was assured by the amazing Ambulance crew that he was OK, for now. [Since writing this he has been checked by a Cardiologist and is OK still, for now]

Dad’s Fragility

This is the first time Dad has shared his fragility with me. He is 83 and has been caring for Mum for the last 10 years, she has Dementia. He is exhausted! It is so hard for anyone caring for a loved one as they are on call 24 hours a day and it is relentless. The despair of the future sits in the living grief and the isolation of their day to day demands often leaves carers lonely with a loss of their own joi de vive. The only true respite will come when the one they love dies and that is the not the respite they look forward to or want!

Caring for his Wife

Sitting in the sun room next to my incognisant Mum, I reflect on the stark reality of Dad’s life as he cares for Mum 24/7. I look at Mum and wonder if she even knows I am in the room, she rarely opens her eyes now and we do wonder how much vision is left behind what were once vibrant piercing blue eyes. Dad potters around the kitchen making protein smoothies with fresh fruit he bought from the shop this morning with his daily paper. He spoon feeds his wife so gently and calmly, wipes her face and makes sure she is still sitting upright. She is propped up on both sides as her muscles have weakened so much that she is no longer able to sit up without the support. It is so heartening and so utterly sad to see!! Dementia is a long, slow, cruel illness which affects not just the one with it but all those around. My Dad has lost his wife but he has also lost his freedom to live out their retirement together. He is isolated in his care giving and love to Mum. He never complains and I do wonder how much of the sadness I feel he hides beneath the veneer of his smile. I doubt I will ever know as Dad is a stoic and proud man.

Carers are the unsung heroes

Caring for a loved one is relentless, often thankless and usually exhausting. I have witnessed the way caring can take all the energy and light out of Dad and others I have worked with through counselling. Carers are the unsung heroes, the ones who keep on going because they have to, the ones who get forgotten in the midst of the illness of the one they are caring for.

Support for Carers

If you visit a loved one who is ill and being cared for please make time for the carer as it will be them who need your support, empathy, sympathy, time and conversation so much more I expect than the one they are caring for. Ask the carer if they are OK, if they want some respite, if there is anything you can do which will be of support for them. If you can spare a few hours, ask them if they want to go out and be free of their caring for a few hours whilst you cover for them. It is the little offerings which make a big difference to carers. Don’t lose sight of their needs in the fog of the illness of the one they are caring for. Also, in my experience, carers will be the last ones to ask for help but the first ones who need it to be offered!!

Massive Thank you

To finish this blog I want to say a massive thank you to Dad and all the wonderful people who go out of their way every day to make the lives of others better, richer, more comfortable and enable the ones who they care for to be OK for another day. They literally could not do it without you.

Take time when you can to take care of you too.

Written by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

Alzheimer’s and Dementia support

If you are an Alzheimer’s and Dementia carer, you are not alone, there are many people who are here to support you. There are helplines and support groups who will offer support, below are some of those who can offer expert advice. I specialise in Counselling for Carers and counselling for Alzheimer’s and Dementia and am here to support you.

After a diagnosis of dementia: next steps – This checklist has been written by dementia specialist Admiral Nurses, to help in the early days after you or your family member has received a diagnosis of dementia.
Website: Steps to take after diagnosis of Dementia

Alzheimer’s Society
Provides information on dementia, including factsheets and helplines.
Phone: 0333 150 3456 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm and 10am to 4pm on weekends).
Website: www.alzheimers.org.uk

Talking Point, on-line dementia and their carers: foum.alzheimers.org.uk  

Alzheimer’s Research UK
The leading dementia and Alzheimer’s disease research charity.
Phone: 0300 111 55555
Website: https://www.alzheimersresearchuk.org/

Alzheimer’s Association
Lots of information on their site with links. They strives to improve quality of life for those facing Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias.
Website: https://www.alz.org/uk/dementia-alzheimers-uk.asp

Alzheimer Café UK
Website UK: http://www.alzheimercafe.co.uk/
Website Farnborough: http://www.alzheimercafe.co.uk/Farnborough.htm

Carer’s allowance
If you’re caring for someone with dementia, you may be entitled to certain benefits. This page will tell you if you’re entitled to Carer’s allowance: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/carers-allowance

Carer Support and Dementia Advice Service for Hampshire 
Provides advice, information and support to all carers aged 18 and above who provide care for an adult. The service also supports people with dementia and memory problems and is available throughout Hampshire.
Phone: 01264 332297
Email: enquiries@andovermind.org.uk

Care Choices
Committed to helping people who need information on social care and support. Find the Care Home or Care Solution that’s best for you – get information, guidance and reviews. Phone: 01223 207770 Website: https://www.carechoices.co.uk/

Dementia Guidance
An independent dementia guide intended to provide a guide to free services available throughout the UK to people with dementia and their families.
https://www.dementiaguidance.co.uk

Dementia Friendly Hampshire
An independent charity, working to make Hampshire a county where people affected by dementia can live a good life.
Phone: 07388 668332
Email: jane.ward@dementiafriendlyhampshire.org.uk
https://dementiafriendlyhampshire.org.uk/

Dementia Friendly Hampshire – Advice and Information
This is a helpful list of things people who have dementia need to consider having in place.
Website: https://dementiafriendlyhampshire.org.uk/advice-and-info/

Dementia Talking Point – Alzheimer’s UK online community. Have you or someone you know been diagnosed with dementia? Join Dementia Talking Point to share experiences with other people affected by dementia.
Website: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/dementia-talking-point-our-online-community

Find a Dementia Café or dementia service near you
Dementia Cafés offer a place to socialise, learn more about dementia and local services, and enjoy something new each session. Follow this link to find your local Café:
Website: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/your-support-services/dementia-cafes

Alzheimer’s Drug Discovery Foundation
Website: https://www.alzdiscovery.org/

Brunel Care
Local Charity caring for older people across Bristol, South Gloucestershire, North Somerset and Somerset.
Phone: 0117 914 4200
Website: https://www.brunelcare.org.uk/

DEEP
DEEP stands for the Dementia Engagement and Empowerment Project – it is the UK network of dementia voices. DEEP consists of around 100 groups of people with dementia – groups that want to change things.
Contact Rachel Niblock – UK Coordinator for DEEP network.
Email: niblock@myid.org.uk
Phone: 07720 538851
Website: https://www.dementiavoices.org.uk/

Dementia Action Alliance
Support national and local for dementia support
Website: https://www.dementiaaction.org.uk/ / https://nationaldementiaaction.org.uk/

Dementia Adventure
Charity supporting people with dementia to get outdoors, connect with nature, themselves and their community, and retain a sense of adventure in their lives.
Phone: 01245 237548
Email: info@dementiaadventure.co.uk
Website: http://www.dementiaadventure.com/

Dementia Connect Helpline
Phone: 0333 150 3456
Wales and West Midlands

Dementia UK
Telephone or email advice and support for family carers, people with dementia and professionals provided by experienced Admiral nurses.
Phone: 0800 888 6678
Website: www.dementiauk.org

Royal Airforces Dementia Support
Phone: 0800 018 2361
Email: dementia@rafa.org.uk
Website: https://dementia.rafa.org.uk/

NHS Information
An overview of Alzheimer’s disease. Signs and symptoms of Alzheimer’ disease
Website: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/alzheimers-disease/

Play List for Life
Charity founded by Sally Magnusson after death of her mother who had dementia. Music for everyone living with dementia which can make it easier and happier
Phone: 0141 404 0683
Email: info@playlistforlife.org.uk
Website: https://www.playlistforlife.org.uk/

The Wide Spectrum
Dementia education resources
Website: http://www.thewidespectrum.co.uk/default.htm

Young Dementia UK
Support for those with early onset dementia. Young Dementia UK have teamed up with Dementia UK.
Dementia Helpline UK: 0800 888 6678
Website: https://www.youngdementiauk.org/

Counselling Directory – https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/dementia.html

This list is by no means comprehensive so if you know of other support available I will be very grateful if you will let me know so that I can add them to the list for others to find. Email me please. carolineellisoncounselling@gmail.com

Dementia Action Week

Dementia Action Week 16th – 22nd May 2022

My Mum’s journey with Dementia continues and each day that passes feels like a blessing and a worry all at the same time. Mum has stopped trying to eat and my Dad and her carers are daily finding new ways to get enough nutrition into her. From shakes made from protein rich beans, fruit and milk to trifle, they are trying it all. Continue reading “Dementia Action Week”

Tug of war with Dementia – Living Grief

The tug of war with dementia

The grey hair sprouts
The bottom lip pouts
Sadness lingers
I’m typing with my fingers
To get this feeling out!
~ Caroline Ellison (not a poet!)

Sadness Creeping in

The tug of war with dementia is cruel, profound, deeply moving and today has been tough! Continue reading “Tug of war with Dementia – Living Grief”

Christmas and Dementia

Christmas and Dementia

Together Christmas and Dementia do not make good bed fellows. Every Christmas Mum who is living with Dementia is less aware of what is going on. For Mum and Dad, Christmas Day is now very much just another day of the week. They are alone together, Mum unaware of what day it is and Dad filled with nostalgia and sadness Continue reading “Christmas and Dementia”

Mother’s Day without Mum

Mother’s Day without Mum!

My Mum has gone in mind but is still with us in body and soul! Today I called my Dad to say

“Happy Mother’s Day”

It left me feeling empty when I put the phone down and I came to my cabin to write this whilst it was still clear in my head and heavy in my heart. Continue reading “Mother’s Day without Mum”