Christmas and Dementia

Together Christmas and Dementia do not make good bed fellows. Every Christmas Mum who is living with Dementia is less aware of what is going on. For Mum and Dad, Christmas Day is now very much just another day of the week. They are alone together, Mum unaware of what day it is and Dad filled with nostalgia and sadness as he recalls Christmases past where Mum hosted feasts extraordinary for us all. Dad is coping and Mum is still here in body but mostly gone in spirit.

Coping

Last year Covid kept us all apart and this year it will be too much for Mum to be around us all. It breaks my heart that Christmas 2019, unbeknown to us, was to be our last Christmas all together. Whilst Mum coped, Dad only just coped. It was tough.

This is a sonnet Dad wrote in 2020 to express his emotions about Christmas.

DS 19 Christmas Day

Our king-sized bed upstairs I still resent.
No pillows, shrouded by a counterpane
within a ‘furnished cavern’ where had lain
full fifty years our love, entwined, content.
While yet co-habiting, I love alone
in singularity; unapt to share
my interests, news, bereavements or despair
with one whose thoughts lurk in the great unknown.
So, Christmas, birthdays, great affairs of state
lose all validity; their meaningless
provoking strange retorts. Who can equate
bizarre replies as these without distress?
Distress that wells up, tearful, uncontrolled
as subtle signs of age-decay unfold.

December 2020

Author – Mr John Burman

[Author’s note: These sonnets chronicle the inevitable and wretched decline in my wife’s cognitive function due to Vascular Dementia from my viewpoint as her loving carer. JHB]

Remember the Good Times

Christmas for us is about remembering the good times and reminiscing about those silly family moments when we were all together. Dementia is a cruel mistress and she will take away the one we love but she will not strip us of our memories. We love you Mum! Dad we salute your bravery, stamina, dedication, love and constant support you give to Mum.

Happy Christmas to you all.

Alzheimer’s and Dementia support

If you an Alzheimer’s and Dementia carer, you are not alone, there are many people who are here to support you. There are helplines and support groups who will offer support, follow the link below for information on support for Alzheimer’s and Dementia – https://www.carolineellisoncounselling.co.uk/alzheimers-and-dementia-counselling/

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