Mother’s Day without Mum!

My Mum has gone in mind but is still with us in body and soul! Today I called my Dad to say

“Happy Mother’s Day”

It left me feeling empty when I put the phone down and I came to my cabin to write this whilst it was still clear in my head and heavy in my heart.

Mum I miss you, I miss the giggles, the confidences, the ‘silly sausage’ moments. I miss asking you for advice with our kids, I am sad that you have missed watching them grow from cute toddlers to responsible teenagers. I wish I could pick up the phone every day and chat with you about nothing in particular but feel enriched because of it. I miss every little moment I took for granted before Dementia started to take you away from us cognitively piece by piece.

Dementia – I hate you!

Dementia, I hate what you are doing to my Mum and how it affects the whole family and beyond. You are a cruel illness which has crawled into the mind of Mum who is now living in a world only she can understand. For all of you who are living with or caring for a loved one with Dementia, it is tough and I admire your courage and tenacity for each day you care relentlessly! Watching my Dad go through it for the last 9 years has been tough!

Lessons Learned from Mum

Mum you taught me so much! You taught me many good things and you also unconsciously taught me less than helpful things. Your childhood was littered with abuse and sadness and I do not believe you ever felt truly loved or safe for a moment in your life even you though you were. You passed on your anxieties to me as I mirrored your patterns of behaviour as a child. I carried them into my adult life and many years later having looked very deeply into ‘who I am’ I am able to use my past and present self to support my family as well as my clients.

Thank you Mum for all you have given to me, your strength, your empathy, your love and your fear. I will love you forever and cling on to you whilst you are here. You are a ship sailing aimlessly in your own tempestuous sea and we are the anchor you hold onto. For years, your anchor was my base so being your anchor now is an honour and a privilege.

“I love you Mum. Happy Mother’s Day.”

Your little girl – Caroline xx

Shared by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions. Carpe Diem.

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I have experience and work with a wide range of issues such as: anxiety, stress, overwhelm, bereavement, grief and loss, depression and low mood, family and relationship difficulties, building confidence and self-esteem, trauma, long term and life limiting illness, counselling for carers.

I have a special interest in counselling for carers, patients and family members of long term and life limiting illness such as Alzheimer’s, Dementia and Cancer.