Recognising Aggressive Speech Tactics and how to Address them

If you are in situations where you experience or notice tactics used to dominate, manipulate or intimidate others in conversation, this blog may be of interest and support. It is important to be authentic and support self and when you recognise aggressive speech have some ways to address it.

1. Interrupting and Talking Over You
   Goal: To silence you, dominate the conversation and make you feel unheard.
   Address: Use firm calm redirection. Say “I wasn’t finished speaking”. Finish what you have to say without raising your voice. If they persist, pause and give them space to expose their aggression, making it obvious to others.
2. Rapid-Fire Questions (Machine Gunning)
   Goal: To overwhelm you and prevent a well thought out response.
   Address: Stay calm and answer one question at a time. Say “Let’s address one point first before moving on.”
3. Personal Attacks and Insults (Ad Hominem)
   Goal: To discredit you instead of your argument.
   Address: Stay focused and say “Let’s stick to the issue instead of making it personal.” If necessary, call it out “Attacking me doesn’t change the facts”.
4. Gaslighting
   Goal: To make you doubt your perception, feelings or memory.
   Address: Stand firm in your truth and avoid endless debate: “I know what happened.” or “That is not how I remember it”. If necessary, pause or end the conversation.
5. False Dichotomies (Black and White Thinking)
   Goal: To trap you into choosing between two extremes, when other options exist.
   Address: Challenge the framing: “That’s not the only way to look at it”. Offer alternative perspectives: “There’s actually a middle ground.”
6. Moving the Goalposts (Constantly Changing Expectations)
   Goal: To ensure you can never “win” or satisfy their demands.
   Address: Set clear limits and call it out “You keep changing the standard – what exactly do you want?”
7. Mockery and Sarcasm
   Goal: To belittle you and make your points seem ridiculous.
   Address: Stay neutral and say “I don’t respond to insults. If you have a real point, say it directly.”
8. Shifting Blame (Whataboutism and Deflection)
   Goal: To avoid accountability by bringing up unrelated issues.
   Address: Refocus the conversation: “We can talk about that later – right now, we are discussing this.” If necessary, call out the tactic: “That’s not what we are addressing here.”
9. Intimidation (Yelling, Threats, Aggressive Gestures)
   Goal: To make you feel afraid or powerless.
   Address: Stay calm and don’t mirror their aggression. Say “I won’t be spoken to like this.” If it escalates, walk away or seek outside intervention.
10. Guilt Tripping and Emotional Manipulation
    Goal: To control you by making you feel guilty.
    Address: Set firm emotional boundaries. Say: “We are all responsible for our own feelings and choices.” “I can be supportive but will not be manipulated.”

I hope you found this article helpful.

Collated by your local counsellor in Fleet, Caroline at Caroline Ellison Counselling – this is my experience and these are my opinions . Carpe Diem.